I often write about the importance of listening in teaching. I have said that learning to listen well is perhaps the single most important thing that a teacher of depth can do.
To me it seems that those who most need to improve their listening are the ones who are least likely to ask how. So let me start with myself: how do I listen better?
Here are some exercises that I practice:
1) Stop talking. Offer moments in which you are not explaining, or lecturing, or using words. If you allow no moments in your teaching in which you are not talking, it will be hard for you to listen. This may sound obvious, but when teaching, it is both counter-intuitive and subtle.
2) Stop thinking about talking when you are not talking. It is not enough to still your tongue for a few moments if your mind is busy with what you will say when you next speak. It is understandable to want to rehearse your pending words, but since you are already aware of your own perspectives, it is more useful to listen to the student’s.
3) Make an opening for the student to talk. By this I mean more than to simply let the student talk, though this is a good place to begin. There are many ways to make a welcoming space for a thing to happen, for someone to speak or move or take a moment to reflect. You already know ways to make these acts welcome. Try this with your student.
4) Seek moments of silence between you and the student. These are moments in which nothing need be said, and in which perhaps nothing is being said. These moments are the clay from which communication is formed, and the better quality the clay, the better the result. Not all silences are the same — can you distinguish between types of silence? What are they about? What can you do with these silences?
5) Ask questions. Of the student, of yourself, of the discussion, of the moment. Not all questions are equally useful, but some are profoundly so. The right question at the right time can be more motive than any lecture. If you are not sure how to ask questions, or which questions to ask, this is perfectly fine. It is a practice. To learn, begin doing. Ask questions.
A practice is not a goal, just as a dance step is not something to move through once and consider the matter done; we try it again and again to discover more about how it works and what we can do with it.
These listening practices are exercises that teach us to teach, that hone our abilities. As simple as they seem, they are challenging and powerful. This is the stuff of which great teachers are made.
This post makes me want to hear more of your thoughts about creating openings and silence.
Thank you — this is exactly what I mean. You have just done it. You asked for my thoughts, conveyed interest, and allowed me to respond. This is the fundamental way to create an opening into which another can present themselves. You already know how to do this.
Written exchanges are of course different than in-person. In person tone and body can convey much more subtlety. But this is our environment, so we use it to advantage as best we can.
Let me take this a step further: what more might you do to draw me out on this subject? Might similar approaches work with students? What might work here? What might be worth trying?
How interesting. For some reason I put a fair amount of thought into how I made this comment and chose not to make it a question. Your response was really satisfying and at the same time draws me deeper into the question. I see that different kinds of openings are created with the same basic content simply by how it is expressed.
You bring up body language, which not only adds to the texture of what is said, but also helps to clarify differences in types of silences. However, as a student, I know there are times when my Teacher is silent and I’m completely unable to grasp what that silence means.
I am interested in why you chose to make that a comment instead of a question.
Or:
Why did you choose to make that a comment instead of a question?
I invite you to notice how these two affect you differently, if at all. Such differences are tools of invitation and listening, and I find them worth study.
Every invitation to the student to speak comes from a context and within an environment. The subtleties, especially in person, are numerous and unique, which is why being aware of the particular person is so important.
As for the mysterious silences of your teachers, I am hesitant to guess. Experience tells me that the meanings of such silences might run the range from years-in-the-planning to not knowing what to say next and choosing to say nothing. I have learned that a motivated student can create meaning out of nothing, and sometimes the less you give them, the more subtle and complicated meaning they create. Sometimes this is useful. Sometimes not.
And some silences are punctuation. They are periods, or paragraph breaks. They are chapter headers or endings. They are a page-turn. They are a note in the margin that says “and…?”
Yes, I see the difference between how I am impacted by the two statements. What you say about the importance of being aware of the particular student is vital. Even the same student won’t respond the same way every day. For myself, sometimes I’ll do well with an invitation; sometimes I need a direct order.
This highlights the many levels of awareness a Teacher must be operating on to have the greatest effectiveness.
Levels of awareness, yes, but please do make mistakes. It so much more important to try something clumsy and watch the student’s response than to say the right carefully crafted thing and not quite see what you have done. There is great power and benefit to deliberately making mistakes in teaching and watching the results.
I went back to read your other post about mistakes (Oct 06). I understand the great value in modeling an acceptance and acknowledgment of mistakes made. From my own experience teaching a fitness kickboxing class I know that my willingness to “try on the fly” and sometimes stumble, gives the women in my class more permission to try something new without fear.
You could consider this a request for more about the deliberate use of mistakes.
I appreciate the request. Is an intentional mistake still a mistake or does permission change it into something else? How do we do this with consideration for the student’s well-being? Good subject. I will see what I can come up with. Thank you.