Anger

A hot fury burns within you
deny it and it controls you
give into it and it controls you
Can you teach this?

Sooner or later you will become angry. Your student will do something that is out of line, violate an important rule. Perhaps they will even break your trust. You may feel an urgent need to act to set things right.

Assume this will happen. Prepare for this eventuality when you are calm. Prepare now. I have some suggestions.

Anger controls best from the dark, so start with self-honesty: refrain from telling yourself that you are not angry. Refrain from telling the student you are not angry.

Refrain, not only because it is untrue, but also because your student can nearly always tell, even if you think you are hiding it well, and will be confused by your mixed message. Consider what a student learns from a teacher who says one thing with words and another with tone. Consider how this might weaken your future messages. Is this what you want to teach?

Angry or not, you are still the teacher, and your obligation to teach is still very much present. This can be a hard moment in which to separate out obligation from emotion. It may help to resolve to be slow to act.

Remember that you are never teaching only one thing. What do you want your student to know about anger? Do you want them to know that anger is acceptable? If handled in certain ways? Never? Show them.

You may also want them to know what they did wrong. And you should tell them, but later, when you are calm enough to teach rather than lash out. Never teach beyond your anger when you are in anger.

How can you be sure you are calm enough to teach? One way is this: can you see the student’s view of a reasonable justification for their actions? If not, anger is likely limiting your perception. Wait until later.

Another way is this: what would an outside observer see? Can you take an external and objective view of these events? Simply put, can you move outside your belief of rightness?

I do not suggest that this is easy, or that it is always possible to rise above strong emotion, and anger can be very strong. I do, however, suggest that you plan for being angry, and not tell yourself it will not happen to you.

Anger is like a sudden springtime rapids — it crashes through, fills
the riverbed, overflows. It demands that you act. Over time, you may better learn to swim in those waters, but control is hard. It may be that the best you can do is to notice that you are there. This is a very good start.

Come back to the teaching: what do you want your students to know about anger? About your anger? Teach this.

Despite your anger, you are still the teacher. You can choose which lesson to teach, and how. But only if you are not first swept away or blinded by denial.